I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Randomize
