pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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