4 words: hood of his car
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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