we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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