Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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