summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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