i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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