I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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