You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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