people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
