just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
