Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
