Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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