i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
