Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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