At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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