Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize
