how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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