I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
