Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
don't judge my taste in strippers
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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