if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize