just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
