So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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