Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
