awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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