I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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