I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Randomize
