I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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