I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
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