dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize