So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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