sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
