So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
