What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
