take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize