Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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