He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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