i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
