I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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