mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
