3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
