his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
