It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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