What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
we're making bets on your personal life
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
