If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize