i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
