there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
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