Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I feel like death gave me a hand job
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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