Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
