Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Randomize
