It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
