You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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