Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
