I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Be still, my beating vagina.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
