she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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