What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Randomize
