Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
