Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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