hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
