if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Boobs are out for the taking
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
