i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
