Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize