Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
