your parents love me but you hate me
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
