I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
