If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
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