dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
don't judge my taste in strippers
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Randomize
