I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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