Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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