She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Randomize
