So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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