Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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