college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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