I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Randomize
