Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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