There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
