thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
