I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I have already put on my inside pants.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
