ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
