Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Enjoy the penises
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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