so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
We are two peas in an std pod
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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