so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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