I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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