that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
