im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Randomize
