respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
