Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
