That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
