At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
