you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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