nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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