Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Randomize
