I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
