...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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