my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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