nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
