What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize