it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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