Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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