an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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