I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
