I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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