I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
