do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
