Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
