kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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