You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
