i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
