Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Randomize
