I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Randomize
